Don't use that tone with me

It wasn’t until I started working here that I realised, when it comes to language, I’m a nodder and smiler.

For years I’ve let businesses talk absolute gobbledygook to me, even though I didn’t have the foggiest idea what they were on about. Some people think that, in the big bad world of business, if they don’t talk in acronyms, jargon and buzzwords, they’ll be seen by others as a bit of a plonker.

The problem is, jargon masks the real meaning. If you want something done, just say it how it is. Why do we let people get away with using long, complicated words when shorter, simpler ones will do? Maybe they think it makes them sound terribly important. But really, all it does is mock the aim of actually doing business.

It just seems like one giant cloud of linguistic fog, hiding the actual point they’re trying to make. Because no one was actually ever taught to talk like this – it’s just been thrust upon us by other people in the ‘business’ world. So we nod and we smile, and we copy it – even though we haven’t got a clue what we’re saying. And when new people come in, they nod and smile and copy too.

Now I work here, I’ve realised how silly it all is. If everyone spent more time talking like humans, and less time talking like robots, we’d all get a lot more done.