Please keep your seatbelt securely fastened

I’ve done a fair bit of flying recently. And I’ve noticed some of the airlines have jazzed up their safety videos in a bid to make us pay attention.

Thomson have got a team of Irish children-cum-flight attendants in theirs. It’s dead cute. And I listened. The script isn’t up to much. It’s the same thing you always hear on a flight, but because it’s wee Alice delivering it, it’s funny. It wouldn’t have worked any other way.

But Virgin has no excuse. They’ve got an animated video, music that sounds like Zero 7 and Vic Reeves doing the voice over. It clearly cost a fair bit. But no-one seems to have thought about Vic’s script.

It’s all so expected. So passive. Like, all baggage should be stored securely.

Or, it is expressly forbidden to smoke anywhere on this aircraft. Or jackets may be inflated or topped up by blowing into a tube.

Admittedly his delivery is cracking. The bit about high heeled shoes at 3.30mins is particularly nice. But I think Virgin have missed a real trick by not giving him something better to say.

I’d wager that if an airline took the bold move of rewriting the in-flight safety announcement we’d actually listen. Cartoons, kids and comedians are all very good, but a more interesting and natural way of talking about seatbacks, bulkheads and the rest would get our attention.

Come on someone, say turn off your phone instead of ensure all mobile devices are switched off.

It’s about time.